Just for Today · Day 16 of 31 · 2 min read
Day 16: "You're So Beautiful" and Other Compliments Worth Giving
Day 16 of the Just for Today Challenge: give at least five sincere, specific compliments. Why we hold back, why compliments land better than we expect and how to give them.
In short
Give at least five sincere, specific compliments today, focusing on effort, choices and character more than looks. Research suggests people enjoy receiving compliments far more than givers expect.
This day sits at an address that says "day 15" because of a numbering slip in the original series; it is day 16 of the challenge.
How often do you think something kind about someone and keep it to yourself? You notice a colleague handled a difficult meeting well, a friend's new haircut suits them or a stranger has a great laugh, and the thought simply passes. Today's challenge is to say those thoughts out loud.
Why we hold back
Many people worry that a compliment will sound awkward, insincere or out of place. Some fear it will be misunderstood. Others simply don't think to say anything because the moment passes too quickly.
Compliments land better than we think
Research by Xuan Zhao and Nicholas Epley, published in 2021, explored exactly this hesitation. Across several experiments, people wrote and delivered compliments to friends or acquaintances. Before giving them, they predicted how the recipients would feel. Givers consistently underestimated how positive recipients would feel and overestimated how uncomfortable recipients would be. The mismatch, the researchers suggested, may stop people from giving compliments that would brighten others' days.
What makes a good compliment
Specific beats general. "You're great" is pleasant. "The way you calmed that customer down was impressive" shows you noticed.
Effort and choices beat traits. Complimenting something a person did or chose, like their work, their patience or their style, often means more than complimenting something they were born with.
Sincere beats strategic. Only say what you genuinely think. People are good at spotting flattery.
Short beats long. One clear sentence is enough. You don't need to make it a speech.
About looks
The title of this day comes from the most common compliment people give: about appearance. Telling a partner or close friend they look beautiful can be lovely. With colleagues, acquaintances and strangers, it's usually better to focus on something else. Comments on bodies in particular can make people uncomfortable. Compliments about choices, such as "That's a great jacket" or "I love the colour of your glasses", are generally safer than comments about physical features.
Ideas for today
- Tell a colleague what you appreciated about their work.
- Tell a friend about a quality you admire in them.
- Tell a parent or child something specific they did well this week.
- Compliment a stranger's dog, bike, garden or hat.
- Leave a positive review or message for a small business you like.
How to receive compliments
When someone compliments you, notice your reflex. Many people deflect: "Oh, this old thing?" or "It was nothing, really." Try simply saying "Thank you, that's kind of you." It lets the other person enjoy the moment and helps you accept something good.
Make it a habit
If you enjoy today, try a simple rule for the next few weeks: when you think something kind, say it. Most compliments cost nothing and take seconds, and the effect can last much longer.
Today's challenge
Give at least five sincere, specific compliments, including at least one to someone you don't know well. Note how people responded and how it felt to give them.
Related: say thank you and 10 reasons why I love you. Tomorrow: get rid of some stuff.
Sources and further reading
Questions people ask
Can a compliment ever backfire?
It can if it's insincere, too personal for the relationship, or about someone's body in a setting where that's unwelcome. Compliments about effort, choices and character are almost always received well, by strangers and close friends alike.
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