Five Ways to Add Connection to Your Life

Many people feel lonely, even when they're surrounded by others. In 2023, the US Surgeon General issued an advisory describing loneliness and isolation as a major public health concern and calling for greater attention to social connection. Similar concerns have been raised in many countries.

Connection doesn't always require big changes. Here are five practical ways to build more of it into everyday life.

1. Create regular rituals

Connection grows through repeated contact. Rituals make that contact automatic, so it doesn't depend on someone remembering to arrange it.

A weekly phone call with a parent or sibling.
A monthly dinner with friends.
A Sunday walk with a neighbour.
Family meals without phones a few nights a week.

Put them in your calendar as recurring events. Over time, they become something everyone looks forward to.

2. Talk to strangers and acquaintances

Small conversations matter more than we think. In a 2014 set of experiments, psychologists Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder asked commuters on trains and buses in Chicago to either talk to a stranger, sit in solitude or commute as usual. Those who talked reported a more pleasant journey, even though most had predicted the opposite. People also tended to underestimate how interested strangers would be in talking.

Try a brief, friendly exchange today: with a barista, a neighbour, someone in a queue or a colleague you don't know well.

3. Join a shared activity

Doing something together is one of the easiest ways to connect. Shared activities give you a reason to meet regularly and something to talk about.

A sports team, running club or walking group.
A choir, band or theatre group.
A book club or language exchange.
A class: cooking, art, dance, pottery.
A faith community or community group.

Regular attendance matters. Friendships tend to form when you see the same people repeatedly.

4. Volunteer

Volunteering connects you with others who share your values and gives you a sense of purpose. It can be especially helpful if you're new to an area, retired or looking for meaning beyond work. Look for local volunteering centres, charities, schools, hospitals or community gardens.

5. Give people your full attention

Connection depends not only on how often you see people, but on the quality of your attention when you're together.

Put your phone away during conversations.
Ask open questions and follow-up questions.
Listen to understand, not just to reply.
Remember details and ask about them later.

Our article on improving your listening skills has more practical tips.

When connection feels hard

If you're shy, socially anxious or out of practice, building connection can feel daunting. Start small: one brief conversation, one class, one message to an old friend. Social skills improve with practice, and many people feel just as nervous as you do.

If loneliness is persistent and accompanied by low mood, consider talking to a doctor or counsellor. Some areas also offer social prescribing schemes or befriending services.

Online connection

Online communities can offer genuine connection, especially for people with niche interests, disabilities or limited mobility. Video calls and voice messages often feel more connecting than text alone.

Try this

Choose one of the five ways and do it this week. Next week, try another.

Sources and further reading

Questions people ask

How long does it take to make new friends as an adult?

Usually longer than people expect. Research by Jeffrey Hall suggests friendships need many hours of shared time to form. Regular, repeated contact, like a weekly class or club, is the most reliable route.