Decisions & Goals · 2 min read
What Are You Waiting For? How to Stop Postponing Your Life
Common 'someday' traps, from waiting for the right time to waiting to feel ready, why waiting feels safe, and practical ways to start living now.
In short
We often wait for perfect timing, confidence, permission or certainty. They rarely arrive on their own. Pick one postponed thing, define a small first step and set a date this week.
"I'll do it when the kids are older." "When I've lost weight." "When work calms down." "When I've saved more." "When I feel ready." Many of us are waiting for something before we start living the life we want. The problem is that the waiting can go on for years.
Common waiting traps
Waiting for the right time. There's rarely a perfect moment. There will always be another busy season, expense or responsibility.
Waiting to feel ready. Confidence usually comes from doing, not before doing.
Waiting for permission. From a boss, partner, parent or society. Sometimes permission matters. Often we're waiting for approval we don't need.
Waiting for certainty. We want to know it will work out. Most worthwhile things involve uncertainty.
Waiting for someone else. For a partner to change, a friend to call, a company to notice us.
Waiting until "after". After the promotion, the move, the renovation. Then there's another "after".
Why waiting feels safe
Waiting protects us from risk, effort and disappointment. As long as we haven't started, we can't fail. Our dreams remain perfect in our imagination.
But waiting has costs too: time passes, opportunities close and regret can grow. Research on regret, such as Thomas Gilovich and Victoria Husted Medvec's 1995 review, suggests that over the long term, people more often regret the things they didn't do than the things they did.
How to stop waiting
1. Name what you're postponing
Write a list of things you've been putting off until "someday": a trip, a conversation, a course, a career change, a health goal, a creative project.
2. Name what you're waiting for
Next to each item, write what you're waiting for. Be honest. Is it a real constraint or a comfortable excuse?
3. Find a version you can start now
If the full version isn't possible yet, look for a smaller one:
- Can't take a year abroad? Take a week.
- Can't change careers yet? Take an evening course.
- Can't write a novel? Write for fifteen minutes a day.
- Can't afford a big holiday? Plan a day trip.
4. Set a date
Pick one item and schedule a first step within the next seven days. Put it in your calendar.
5. Tell someone
Share your plan with a friend who'll ask how it went.
When waiting makes sense
Sometimes waiting is wise. Saving before a big purchase, finishing a qualification before changing careers, or waiting until you're well enough to take on a challenge are all sensible. The key is to distinguish between strategic waiting (with a plan and a timeline) and indefinite postponement.
Live now, too
Even while working towards bigger goals, look for ways to enjoy life today. Small pleasures, time with people you love and moments of presence don't need to wait for anything.
Try this
Write down three things you're postponing and what you're waiting for. For one of them, take a first step this week.
Related: just say yes, the first step and life is short, but not that short.
Questions people ask
How do I tell sensible waiting from procrastination?
Sensible waiting has a reason, a plan and an end date, like saving for six months before a move. Procrastination has none of those. If you can't say what you're waiting for and when it will happen, it's probably avoidance.
What if the people around me think I should wait?
Listen to their reasons; they may see risks you've missed. Then decide for yourself. You can often take a small first step that addresses their concerns while still moving forward.
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