The First Step in Finding Meaning for Your Life: Know Your Values

"Find your purpose" is advice that can feel overwhelming. It suggests there's one big answer waiting to be discovered, and that you're failing if you haven't found it. In practice, meaning is often built gradually from smaller, clearer pieces. The first piece is understanding your values.

This is the first of two articles on finding meaning. The second, the next step in finding meaning, turns values into action.

Why values come first

Values are the qualities and priorities that matter most to you: honesty, family, creativity, adventure, security, kindness, faith, learning, independence. They act like a compass. When your daily life lines up with your values, it tends to feel meaningful. When it doesn't, even a successful life can feel empty.

Psychologist Michael Steger, who developed the widely used Meaning in Life Questionnaire, distinguishes between the presence of meaning (feeling your life is meaningful) and the search for meaning (actively looking for it). Both are normal. Searching isn't a sign that something's wrong; it's often the start of something good.

A values exercise

Set aside thirty minutes and work through these steps.

Step 1: Brainstorm

Look at the list below and circle every value that resonates with you. Add any that are missing.

Adventure, Achievement, Balance, Beauty, Community, Compassion, Courage, Creativity, Curiosity, Faith, Family, Freedom, Friendship, Fun, Generosity, Growth, Health, Honesty, Humour, Independence, Justice, Kindness, Knowledge, Leadership, Learning, Love, Loyalty, Nature, Peace, Responsibility, Security, Service, Simplicity, Spirituality, Tradition, Wisdom.

Step 2: Narrow down

From your circled values, choose your top ten. Then narrow to your top five. This can be hard. Ask: if I had to give one up, which would it be?

Step 3: Define each one

Values mean different things to different people. Write a sentence for each of your top five describing what it means to you. "Family" might mean "being present for my children's everyday lives" or "staying close to my parents and siblings".

Step 4: Look for evidence

For each value, ask: where does my life already reflect this? Be specific. You might be surprised how much meaning is already there, unnoticed.

Step 5: Spot the gaps

Now ask: where does my life not reflect this value? Where do I spend time, money or energy on things that contradict it?

Clues from your life

If you're struggling to identify values, look for clues:

Peak moments: When have you felt most alive, proud or fulfilled? What values were present?
Anger and frustration: What makes you angry? Often it's when a value is violated.
Admiration: Who do you admire, and why? Their qualities may reflect your values.
Your list of proudest moments, if you made one on day 4 of the challenge.

Values change

Your values may shift over time as you grow, face challenges and move through different stages of life. It's worth revisiting this exercise every year or two.

Try this

Complete the five steps above. Write your top five values and their definitions on a card and keep it somewhere you'll see it. Then read the next step.

Sources and further reading

Steger et al. (2006), The Meaning in Life Questionnaire, Journal of Counseling Psychology

Questions people ask

What if my values conflict with my family's?

That's common, especially in early adulthood or after big changes. You can respect where you came from and still choose your own priorities. Clarifying your values first makes those conversations calmer and more honest.