The Only Words You Need to Overcome Your Fears: "What If It Goes Well?"

Fear has a favourite question: What if it goes wrong? What if I fail, look stupid, get rejected, lose money, get hurt? It's a reasonable question, and sometimes it keeps us safe. But when it's the only question we ask, it can keep us stuck.

There's a simple counter-question that can loosen fear's grip: What if it goes well?

Why the question helps

Fear tends to make us imagine only one possible future, the bad one, in vivid detail. Asking "what if it goes well?" doesn't deny the risk. It simply widens the view, reminding you that a good outcome is also possible and worth picturing.

Try it with something you're afraid of:

What if the job interview goes well?
What if they say yes?
What if the presentation lands?
What if I enjoy the class?

Notice how it feels to imagine those outcomes. Often the fear doesn't vanish, but it shrinks to a more manageable size.

Name it to tame it

Another useful set of words is the name of what you're feeling. In a 2007 brain imaging study, psychologist Matthew Lieberman and colleagues found that when people labelled the emotion in images of emotional faces, activity in the amygdala, a brain region involved in emotional responses, was reduced compared with other tasks. Putting feelings into words, which the researchers called affect labelling, seemed to dampen the emotional response.

So next time you feel afraid, try saying, out loud or in your head, "I'm feeling anxious about this" or "I'm scared of being judged." It sounds simple, and it often helps.

Face fears gradually

Avoiding what scares us brings short-term relief but tends to make fear stronger over time, because we never learn that we can cope. Psychologists use a technique called exposure, gradually and safely facing feared situations, as a core part of treating anxiety. The American Psychological Association describes exposure therapy as one of the most effective treatments for many anxiety-related conditions when delivered by a trained professional.

For everyday fears, you can borrow the principle:

Write down your fear and rate how frightening it feels from 0 to 10.
Break it into steps, from least to most frightening. For a fear of public speaking, that might be: speak up once in a small meeting, give a two-minute update to your team, present to a larger group.
Start with the easiest step and repeat it until it feels manageable.
Move up gradually. Each step builds evidence that you can cope.

Plan for the realistic worst case

Sometimes fear is about a real risk. In that case, ask:

What's the realistic worst case, not the catastrophic fantasy?
How likely is it?
What would I do if it happened?
Who could help?

Having a plan for the worst case often makes it easier to act, because you know you'd cope.

Courage isn't the absence of fear

People who seem brave usually aren't fearless. They feel fear and act anyway. Courage is a skill you build through repetition, starting small.

When fear is overwhelming

If fear or anxiety is intense, frequent or affecting your daily life, work or relationships, talk to a doctor or mental health professional. Anxiety disorders are common and treatable.

Try this

Choose one fear that's holding you back. Name it. Ask "what if it goes well?" and write down your answer. Then identify the smallest step you could take towards facing it this week.